Monday, March 24, 2008

What is Proper Toilet Material?

When you’re on the toilet, do you stare at the wall? Do you count the threads on your towel or look at your crappy, flower pattern shower curtain? Maybe you pull out the smart phone, cruise the net while dumping or even a PSP or DS to “game while on duty” Today however we are taking a look at the classic, non-tech approach of reading on the dumper. But what is proper toilet material? Or better yet what kind of reading material should be on a guy’s toilet? Let’s start with the porno.

When I was wee lad I had a buddy that had the ultimate sleep-over house. No bed time, tons of Debbie Snacks, and his father’s porn magazine collection/subscription. This is where I experienced my first poop with a porn. My friends dad always had the latest Hustler and Playboy chillen on his throne, was he the guy of all guys? I happen to believe so, or at least at the time I did. There are defiantly pros and cons to this type of material being with-in reach of your poop. Let’s take a look at this fine line we walk when it comes to pooping with porns. Pro, nothing is better than the female body, plus porn is hardwired into the guy’s brain. Con, your poop ends up taking about 20 minutes longer then it should plus things get dry and crusty. You also wasted 20 minutes looking at porn while “in the act” of pooping. Let us move on.

Special interests magazines and newspapers deserve their own categories because they can appeal to more people than just the throne owner. When you have news hobbies and interests displayed, toilet dwellers get to pass their time with something that they might be “into” Seriously, which guy isn’t into porn though? However, these do pose the same possible pros and cons as the porno magazines, but will not offend females entering the dump station. If the woman enters and sees “Travel Magazine” and “Time” she will see you as an out-going, educated guy that likes to travel. If she sees “Jugs Magazine” and “Shaved” she will think you’re a masturbating pervert that only wants to sex her up. So, hide the porn behind the toilet, and allow “proper” reading to be displayed.

Books, yeah I know they can be dry but it can be a good way to get some school reading done. If you’re not in school, it can help with keeping that old crusty mind from seizing up. To poop with a book is a great way to keep your poop time down, and learn something new at the same time. When you’re reading a book, you read a few pages, pop in the book mark, wipe and wash. After a few months, you have read a novel, a freaking novel, good job guy. Plus when the female see a book on the toilet, it shows her you’re dedicated and like expanding your mind, this is a plus. This is also a great way to learn things you have always wanted to learn, reading on the subject is a great way to becoming the guru.

What do I have on my toilet you’re asking? Well I have a mix between books and newspapers. My hobby is the stock market, so I always have a book written by an investor and his strategies to investing. They tend to be a little dry so the crapper is a perfect place to pound out an investing novel. It may take a while, but slowly and surely wins the race. I also have an investing news paper, IBD Daily. This can appeal to more people and it’s a fun read. It covers the stock market but also covers economic news and events that affect the economy. This can be very broad and sometimes controversial, making it a perfect read for the potty.

Friday, March 21, 2008

The Five Funniest Pictures In The World

We spent many hours scouring the internet looking for the funniest pictures we could find. I do admit it was not easy because believe me, there is some funny shit out there. We came across sad things, gross things, sexy things and very odd things, but settled on these top 5. If you don't laugh, or at least crack a smile, check your pulse son.

#5: E.T phone home?

#4: You hate cops too, just laugh.

#3: Heres the idiot himself, just a few of his many clever displays of stupidity.

#2: If you have a good kick and an endless pit, try it out.

#1: We have all seen it, and we have all used it, but did you ever think it?

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Dunkxchange Boston

March 29th, if your in Boston or surrounding area, make sure your ass is here. Gonna be a great time with live performances and dunk give aways. Admission is only $10 and there will be sneaker rafles, were not talking your wal-mart specials here, just peep my blog. Anyway show up and join an upcoming culture kick, its gonna be killer.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

5 Electronics That Must Be In a Guys Living Room

I’m a guy and I’m also a nerd, electronics is something that flows through my blood and makes me giddy as a school girl. And like all things man, the bigger the better. With electronics, you must be up to date and on top of your game to compete with your neighbor, the bastard with the 70” DLP that you see every time you roll by his pad. See, that guy knows he’s ballin, he knows that the 5 essential electronics are sitting just a remotes shot of his chubby little hand. So what’s this guy got that I don’t you may be asking yourself? I’m about to tell you. Let me start by saying that I’m a college student, money for most comes hard during these times. Woman understand and mostly accept we are broke and will still go home with you even though your rocking a pre-paid celly and a Magnavox TV with turn knob dials. Me, I guess I got lucky. I dropped my money into the market and now able to live comfortably writing to you shoeheads. Now don’t get me wrong, I have been in the electronics game for a while and take much pride in my living room setup. I have bought the crap and also got lucky with the great, so if you want a living room that is liquid panty remover, read on.

#5: Some type of moving electronic, to accompany all the others.

What I mean is you need something classy but pimp, it doesn’t need to serve any pleasure, just eye-candy. In my apartment, I have a 5 foot Atrium, or waterfall. It has a Halogen lamp on the top and a rock-bottom footing which adds class to the pad plus movement in what would be a still apartment. Don’t use something like a lava lamp or lava floor lamp, that’s mad cheese, also no mini-fridge you young drunk fools. If you can’t afford a waterfall, then an acceptable substitute can be a LIVE, not fake plant. Just go to your local Home Depot, and grab one for $40. Live plants are not only pimp, but woman like to know a man can take care of something living, even if it is a plant.

#4: Lighting.

A lot of people may think that this is a minor aspect of a pimp ass pad, but it’s not. It’s like playing your Playstation 3 with AV-Video cables on your HD TV, you got beauty, but it’s being delivered wrong. Now there are two types of light settings, there is the kind that you want on when you’re watching a movie with a cutie (ambient). And then there’s the kind you need when you’re playing some beer-die with your bros (heavy lighting). For heavy lighting, the best look and best delivery is from floor lamps with natural light emitting light bulbs. Not only is this cheap, but if you get the right one, it can spice up the pad and make it look killer. Don’t forget, you need two, one on each side of the viewing area. For ambient lighting, go to your local Depot again, and buy a set of small round ambient lights. They are about 3” in diameter and run about $50. There are two main spots to place these lights for the optimal effect. If your telly is wall hung, place them behind it. This gives a soft white hue behind the TV and adds perfect ambience especially for viewing movies. Yeah yeah I know Philips makes an LCD with ambient lighting but I haven’t got there yet plus, this is the poor-mans guide. Another placement idea is on your entertainment stand, shinning up towards the television. This works with both wall hung and stationary set ups.

#3: Sound System.

This part is essential for achieving pimp status living room. It’s also one of the needed necessities that you can get away with fairly cheap. When you’re rocking an incredible HD setup, only half its potential is reached when sound is being delivered via TV speakers. (Flashback to my PS3 analogy) What the hell do I look for you ask? Well there are a few things that I look for when buying surround sound setups. First of all there are two ways to approach this, the rich man’s way, and the poor man’s way. If you are the “rich man”, go and buy a Bose Virtual Surround Sound. For around 2k, you can get the cream of the crop sound delivery system which consists of two satellite fronts, and a sub for base. Somehow through sound engineering technology, Bose achieved surround sound with-out surrounding you with satellite speakers. My dad rocks this system and trust me, its well worth the money if you got the cash to burn. Now if you’re the type like me that needs to go to Circuit City or Wally World to get their setup, don’t worry, we can make it good. First rule is don’t buy a DVD/Receiver surround sound, most of the time it lacks the bells and whistles plus, its DVD. What are you living in the 90’s guy? Second make sure that the receiver has Optical Audio out. This delivery of sound is second best to HDMI in the known world, trust me I’m a geek, I know. These days, even the cheapest receiver comes with Dolby Digital and Dolby Digital DTS encoded, so don’t worry about these things right now, that will come in a later article. Actually, bother Will about it in Shoehead tech and he will send you detailed info about it. All in all you can get away with spending $200 on a decent setup to get your pad going. Don’t forget, this is not just for viewing pleasure, music is also needed when you’re throwing a rager.

#2: Blu-Ray or PS3.

If you’re still rocking VHS, then my friend you are struggling. If you still have a DVD player, then it’s time to move into the new era. If you have a DVD Up converter, then that means your dreaming of HD, but you just can’t taste it yet. The death of HD DVD is old news, hell I was calling that when it first came out. In the 80’s VHS might have beat out Sony’s Betamax, but this time Sony comes out on top with its Blu-ray format. In order to achieve total pimp status however, you must have either a movie theatre, (Blu-ray player) or a gamming system, (PS3) if you’re not into gamming then you must possess a Blu-ray player. Thanks to the fall and death of HD-DVD and also the amount of time the technology (Blu-ray) has been around, the players are very affordable. It may not be top of the line, but you can get away with a Blu-ray player for around $200. If you’re a gamer, for an extra $200 you get the best of both worlds. You can have the most powerful home gamming system there is, plus enjoy 1080P, Blu-ray DVD’s. I did forget to mention that you must purchase an HDMI cable for either one, this will run you about $25 but it’s needed. You can have the best equipment money can buy, but it don’t mean squat if the cables that are delivering your signal are from the 80’s. So man up.

#1: LCD or Plasma Plus Your Cable Service.

Everyone thinks they know which is better LCD or Plasma, they will give you these old-school reasons why one is superior to the other blah blah blah. I’m here to cut through all that jazz and give you two options, one or the other, simple right? Yes, five years ago Plasma TV’s had problems with screen burning (you change the channel but the last channel has a ghostly image on the screen) And yes, five years ago LCD had a horrible “bright” screen life after much and much use (the picture will become less vibrant after hours of use) Understand, that like any technology in our world, it is always improving. These days it comes down to two major categories, small TV up to about 42”-47” buy an LCD. If you want bigger than that, then you’re going Plasma. LCD doesn’t come in those sizes because the picture at that point would be negatively affected, Plasma’s just don’t come in small sizes because the technology is too expensive. Price is also affected by the sub-categories, which are the bells and whistles plus the brand name. So if you have under a thousand bucks to spend, I recommend going with Olevia or Vizio. You can get yourself a 42” 1080i which is pimping for a tight budget. If you got a little more cash than the average guy, then take a look into Sony’s Bravia line, or Toshibas Regza, both great 1080P TV’s for around $1500. I personally rock the Toshiba Regza, great price, great picture and great looking being all glossy black.
What is a great TV with-out great service? It’s nothing. You can’t have a Plasma 1080p TV with basic analog cable. I personally know people who are like this and it boggles my mind. My only experience is with Time Warner Cable so I have never dealt with satellite. Cable is pricey I will admit, but HD channels are free with digital cable along with the in-demand channels. The signal is always great no matter what the weather, but it lacks a large selection of HD channels (around 30ish) I hear Direct TV has like 70 channels but you pay per tier, and that can get real pricey, tiers suck. What is important here though is that you have HD service coming into your living room and being played through your now, educated pimp ass living-room. I can’t guarantee you that the undies will be flying off but, when you bump some soft music with the lights dimmed out and the waterfall flowing. Just pop in The Notebook on Blu-ray and let that little lady get swept off her feet by the breath-taking picture quality.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Sneaker Price Guide

Today is a special day, its a day of much pubbing as along with any day, but more people do it. So that means longer lines at my favorite killer Buck Hunter, but more cute faces of the opposite sex. It weighs out, so its all good. I have a treat for you today, some light reading and heavy glossy pictures of the must have kicks. Sneakerfreaker has come out with a price guide for 250 sneakers. Just like when you were a kid and you had your Beckett for the baseball card collection, now there is one for your sneaker collection. So go on click over, its a great read but come on back now ya hear :)

Saturday, March 15, 2008

Nike Air Force 1 Air Talaria Inspired

Neon has been hitting the scene hard this year and it's scary to think that the early 90's colorways are back in style. I will say though some sneakers can pull it off perfect, one being our sick ball court Pumps, and now to add to this list the Nike Air Force 1 Air Talaria Inspired. Just like the past inspired models, neon colorways are used brilliantly along with designs of the Air Talaria which can be seen with-in the sneak. Over all, i think these kicks are defiantly worth adding to the collection, so man up guys when they drop in the summer.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Nike Air Force 1 Mike Krzyewski Coach K 800th Win

Coach K has recently joined the elite coaches for his 800th win on March 1st, and to reward that, he receives a pair of specialty Nikes, 1 of 1 kids so don't hold your breath. The sneak was born and raised by Chi McBride and "JB", whom were approached by Eric Lautenbach, the head of Nike college basketball. Three heads are defiantly better than 1 and this shoe exemplifies this concept. The sneaker bares a flannel upper along with brass eyelets giving it an old school feel. "Duke" is written in suede, sitting between the upper leather piece, and pushed through a cutout in the white coach leather. The three even built the shoe-box out of old basketball floor boards, and to top it all off, Coach K's parents, brother, wife, and three daughters are lasered onto the box. All i can say is Coach K, congrats on your limited, rare, 1 of 1 Nike.